Trust

I have had a copy of the LDS Church News in my nightstand for over a year now.  It is from January 11, 2011 and there was a  really good article from Todd Olson of Lifestar.  The title is Trust is essential part of family relationships.  It reminded me of the work of Brene' Brown and her blog called Ordinary Courage.

      "Adults, like children, have an innate desire to connect emotionally with another human being.  Our brains are wired for attachment.  The result of a secure attachment is "trust."  Our attachment needs can be described by the following questions.

• Will you be there for me when I need you the most?
• Will you stay close to me?
• Will you value me and support me even with my imperfections?
• Do I matter to you?
• Am I a priority in your life?
• Do you need me?
• Are you aware of my presence?
• Will you hear me and respect what I am saying?
• Will you help me feel safe by caring about my feelings, hurts and needs?

We need to know that the person we share our primary attachment with will be there for us.  Connection gives purpose and meaning to our life.  When our attachment needs are met, we feel a sense of "trust."  Our relationships have a chance to be strong and stable when this happens."

Trust is a thing that we have to earn from others in our lives.  It comes with lots of hard work.  It is a process.   We have to build it for someone else, we need to show faith in our partner, but their actions are what build our trust in them. The best way to earn the trust of someone else is to live a trustworthy life.

So, how do I trust my husband? I luckily do because my husband has learned how to tell me what he is feeling and how it affects him while answering the questions above including am I a priority and will you stay close to me?  Trust is one of the principles in this life that we must work on together.  It all goes back to connection and Brene' Brown.  She says connection is why we are here and that we are all hardwired to connect with each other.

The hard part is that some husbands are not living authentically and so consequently they don't earn our trust.  My hope is that each of us can live in such a way that others can trust us and hopefully people in our lives will want to build trust with us too.