Inspiration to Keep Going

Once again my hero Brené Brown posted an interview on her blog today with Susannah Conway who wrote a book called This I know.  It looks interesting and spoke to me about the work I have done so far in this journey of my life. 

Susannah said,

"I believe that by being the best and most healed version of ourselves we can truly make a difference in the world. I’m not an activist or politician, and I’m not able to have any direct impact on the areas of the world where help is needed. But what I can do is make a difference in the small pocket of the world I call home.

I can live with integrity and be honest about my feelings, even when they hurt. I can put my whole heart into my work and pay forward the generosity that was shown to me when my world fell apart. I can look after myself, knowing that by healing my own hurts I won’t be passing them on to anyone else. In a society like ours, filled with so many emotionally wounded people acting out their pain, this is possibly the most important work we could ever do—heal our hurts so we don’t pass them on."

I love this,  I believe that if we can heal the hurts we have, we don't have to pass them on to anyone else.  I grew up in a home where the first response was always loud and shaming. Yell, scream, belittle!  When my kids were young I found myself doing the things I promised myself I would never do.  It was the pattern I knew, the one I grew up in.  Yell first, maybe ask questions later, but I should be right, after all - I'm the mom!  Now my kids are older, and I hear the same pattern coming out of their mouth. Especially my oldest, he is the best at the yelling, because he had such a great example in me for the longest period of time.   Every time I hear him over-react I cringe, It sounds so familiar and I know where he got it... from ME!

I believe that by changing my patterns now ( even though I was not a great example of healthy living for many years) I can teach even him a better way to deal with his frustrations.  There is always time to fix the pattern, it's never too late.  I apologize regularly to him for the mistakes I make daily.  I want them all to know that I know I still make choices that I'm not sure about and that I recognize that I have room for improvement. 

 This work is hard, but I see the benefits when I really practice the things I have learned on my journey.  I know that my children will be better for the work I am doing now.

Shame and Worthiness

Funny how when you don't feel good, all other struggles seem to be minor blips until our health is good enough to concentrate on something other than survival.  I had surgery this past week and have been in my bed a good portion of the week.  I'm finding it hard to concentrate on anything.  That said, I have a few thoughts today.

I have been taking an online class from Brene´ Brown and Hopeful World Publishing.  It is called Ordinary Courage: Lessons in Love, Shame and Worthiness.  It has really opened my eyes to my shame and where it is coming from.  I struggle with the fact that I don't always feel worthy of connecting with people.  Like if they really knew me, they might not like me...sound familar?

I love, love, love Brene´!  She is a researcher from Texas who studies shame and vulnerability.  My therapist introduced me to her stuff on youtube. There are several clips on there from different talks she has given.    This one is my favorite.  Her blog is inspiring.   Brene´ says shame is the fear of disconnection.  Shame universal, no one wants to talk about it, and the more you don't want to talk about it, the more you have it. 

I have lived my entire life trying to act, appear, look perfect so that people didn't know that I felt unworthy of my life and all the good things in it.  I have since learned that the perfectionism I was hiding behind wasn't really fooling anyone.   Perfectionism is a shield or a wall I put up in front of my own self so that others couldn't see me crumbling behind the wall.  I think that I even fooled myself for a while with the shield.

I now have the courage to be imperfect.  As I learn to be authentic with myself and others, I can find others whom I have lots of things in common with, and gain more connection.  I am worthy of connecting with my family, and friends.  I am worthy of all the good things that come to me.  Lastly, I'm worthy of asking for what I want.. from my husband and others in my life!!