Jealousy

Occasionally I find myself getting jealous.  Jealous of my husband.

Jealous  :

• of his ability to make friends easily
• that he has friends he can talk to about his struggles
• of the time he spends on the phone with his friends
• of the connection he has with men that I feel has replaced what should be directed at me
• that I can't be the "fix" for his SSA
• of all the support there is for the men with SSA and not for the ones who love them
• of the fun they have together during guy time
• that I don't have a best friend I can tell everything to

I know that he loves me - really loves me- but I can't help feeling left out some days.  I want to be the one he runs to when he has a funny story or something happens.  I hear him  talking and giggling on the phone with his friends and sometimes it makes me sad.  I talked to him the other day about not wanting to be the one who he comes home to after having all the fun with the guys.  I want to have some of the fun.

I consider our conversation to be a big success for me.  I actually shared my feelings and insecurities with him!  That is big for me :)  We talked about how we need to make sure there is time for us, not just boring chores and trips to the store, but fun couple time too.

We read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.  It is a great resource for you marriage and will teach you how to speak to each other in a language that will really make a difference.  There is a test at the end oft the book to help you figure out what your love language is.   Here is the link to take the test online.  My love language is quality time and so I feel like my love tank gets drained very quickly when I don't get enough time.  I'm sure that contributes to my feelings of jealousy. 

I have learned that I need to speak up when I feel something.  A hard lesson for a grown up!  But it makes it easier to communicate and harder to let my feelings fester.  I don't want to fester anymore!  Obsessing can be a hard task master and I prefer not to go back to those days.  They were hard for both of us.

I know some of my feelings are unrealistic, but he has friends he can call and get help with a problem.  As women, especially wives and mothers, we have so many competing interests on a daily basis I feel like I can't call and bother anyone with my struggles.  Dumb I know.  I have talked to several people about that and one of my goals lately has been to recognize a need I have every day and reach out to someone and ask for it.  Then I can let it be in their hands whether they can help me or not, but I don't have to impose my judgement as to whether they can help me or not, I will let them make that decision.
 
I'm wondering if anyone else has these feelings of jealousy? Rambling I know, maybe one day I will be brave enough to let people know about my blog and then I could get some feedback:)  One day...