I have felt for a while now like there are so many resources for our loved ones who struggle with SSA and that there are very few for us who love them. I hope that I can be a voice for staying in a marriage, standing by his or her side, working through the hard days and coming out a stronger person who still loves deeply!
My hope is to give ideas, helpful resources and support to you. I hope it can be a place of respectful discussion and not bashing.
I'll start with my story..
I grew up in an active LDS home where we tried to do the right thing. My parents were human and we all loved each other. My dad traveled a lot when I was a child and my mom was left to raise 5 crazy children by herself for months at a time. Not an easy task and I may or may not remember a mental breakdown. I am the oldest and have 2 brothers and 2 sisters. I am the family hero. I could do no wrong and became an expert at controlling through co dependance or rescuing all around me into doing what I wanted them to do!
I met my husband in high school. We were best friends for years, still are, and I knew I loved him long before he clued in :) We went to school dances, dated, hung out, went to college, wrote to each other while he was on his mission, never got in trouble.
We got married in the temple, did a lot of graduate work, had 4 beautiful children and bought the house of our dreams. I really had a fairy tale life. They were right in young women's when they said that if you make good choices and get married in the temple that you could live happily ever after. My husband and I never fight and I thought we had it pretty good. We had healthy children, everything we needed and still felt like best friends.
Then one day he started crying.. he told me how he was addicted to pornography and masturbation and he was attracted to men. WHAM! Where did the fairy tale go? What is that you say? They aren't real? Well I'm still not sure I believe that, but that is another discussion. We struggled for a while trying to figure out what that meant for us and along the way have found thing, programs, and people that have really helped.
We are not all "fixed" and still have struggles, but we have come to love each other even more and I truly see him as my Heavenly Father does. Warts and all I still love him more today than that day I married him!
