"Adults, like children, have an innate desire to connect emotionally with another human being. Our brains are wired for attachment. The result of a secure attachment is "trust." Our attachment needs can be described by the following questions.
- Will you be there for me when I need you the most?
- Will you stay close to me?
- Will you value me and support me even with my imperfections?
- Do I matter to you?
- Am I a priority in your life?
- Do you need me?
- Are you aware of my presence?
- Will you hear me and respect what I am saying?
- Will you help me feel safe by caring about my feelings, hurts and needs?
Trust is a thing that we have to earn from others in our lives. It comes with lots of hard work. It is a process. We have to build it for someone else, we need to show faith in our partner, but their actions are what build our trust in them. The best way to earn the trust of someone else is to live a trustworthy life.
So, how do I trust my husband? I luckily do because my husband has learned how to tell me what he is feeling and how it affects him while answering the questions above including am I a priority and will you stay close to me? Trust is one of the principles in this life that we must work on together. It all goes back to connection and Brene' Brown. She says connection is why we are here and that we are all hardwired to connect with each other.
The hard part is that some husbands are not living authentically and so consequently they don't earn our trust. My hope is that each of us can live in such a way that others can trust us and hopefully people in our lives will want to build trust with us too.
